The Prettiest Confidante
The princess confided unto her red bird;
I’ve so many secrets for you—
The people I love and the people absurd,
And the people I readily rue.
I am but a servant, attendant of thee!
A bundle of feathers for jest!
Tell me your secrets, I’ll not disagree,
Vent your heart and do not be distressed!
All the gossip, the musing, the trouble and strife,
All the things that would make you recoil,
I’ll play the husband, and you play the wife,
Say the horrors that make your blood boil!
Well the first is my father — the way that he eats,
So drunken, he sings like an ass,
Annoying our kinsmen and people he greets, Conversation just like a morass!
He sidles back slowly unto his great bed,
With never a thought of his stench,
Jabbering loudly from out his fat head,
With refuse all over the bench.
Then he sleeps until midday and farts very loud,
Then removes back the curtains to see,
All the land in his keeping, which makes him feel proud,
Then he goes back to bed until three.
The next is the jester; I know what he’s like,
Such prurience hides in his chest!
The maid he employed like an exercise bike,
It’s her bossoms — they make him obsessed!
He offers up banter that’s perfectly rude,
A brave Casanova is he!
He asked me to kiss him and not be a prude,
E’en sinking to beg on his knee!
I said, my dear jester, in manners polite,
I’d rather make love to a bear,
Your garb is delightful and shines in the light,
But you’ll not touch my newly preened hair!
I say, what a rotter, the parrot replied,
Alive with bright gusto and mirth,
Yes, best to stay celibate, pray run and hide,
Far beyond the dark ends of the earth!
I love you my parrot, my counsellor true,
My solace when things become vile,
I cherish your feathers in manifold hue,
And I savour your debonair style.
There’s the cook in the kitchen that vexes me too,
His cooking is ever so rank,
He likes to put snails in the broth of his stew,
When I tried it my very heart sank.
There’s a child from the valley that dresses in capes,
That likes to throw rocks at my room,
When I scream at him madly he quickly escapes,
And I curse him to circles of doom!
I say, my dear princess, I have an idea,
Elope with me into the night!
I find you enchanting as lovely Medea,
I’ll serve as your chivalrous knight!
The princess atwinkle declared, I concur—
I’ll flee with you over the hills,
Packing my jewels and my perfume of myrrh,
I’m ready to garner new thrills!
ADL
adamdaniel 